No More "Next Year"

This is it. My last high school sports season ever, and then I'm all done. It still hasn't hit me yet how it seems like yesterday I was just a freshman walking the halls; scared as hell. I've watched each senior class before me go through the same thing where at the end, it's all crying and hugging and thanking for a great four years. I never saw myself crying after the final whistle blew, or the referee slapped the mat for the last time, or the last out in any of the games or matches. I just didn't feel like I had to cry because in the back of my mind "There's always next year for us." Now, there's no more "next year."

I have cried only a few times: once, my freshman year when our football team lost states, and I knew it was the last time me and my brother were ever going to play football together; once, my junior year when our team lost states in football because I was really close to that senior class, and I felt like we really had the chance to win that game; once, this year in the last game in football because it was my last time ever I was going to be wearing the jersey and that's hurt the most. Those times, beside this football season, I had that same thought in the back of my mind where, "there's always next year." Now, it's just a countdown to the final out, and I know it will probably be the hardest I have ever cried in a long time. Yes, it's going to suck knowing I'm never playing baseball again, but the fact that I know, "there is no next year this time," is really starting to get me.

I want to go out with a bang this season. Getting an individual state championship is a good accomplishment and all, but nothing beats winning something as a team. No regrets. No bullshit. No drama. I want this last season to mean something, something that I can look back on and proudly say, "I had fun doing this." Maybe it's the reality that I'm graduating in a few months that's starting to open me up, and get scared. Yes, I'm just a youngin' on his grind, but also scared of the real world at the same time.